Finding Your Fierceness

Having spent most of last night at the ER watching my son endure the pain of his illness, I crawled out of bed this morning hung-over from no party, dreading the fast-approaching hour of work. My son was ok, but I was exhausted. I had no energy left to write, my spirit depleted and beaten down.

I wanted to find a deep dark rock to crawl under and hibernate… for a year.

I had every best excuse to forget my deadline, to retreat and fight another day.

Somewhere under the scalding shower spray, I found my fierceness again. Like trees forcing their way towards the sun on a storm-battered cliff, words started to coalesce in my mind, beatiful words for just the part of the book I’d been stuck on.

Life wants to grow!

I can always find a thousand reasons why I just don’t have the creativity to write. And they will always be true.

But I will not submit. I will not back down.

I write in defiance, standing in the driving wind and howling back at the storm.

I write to create beauty and life amidst desolation and despair.

I write to fling blazing sparks out into the darkness.

We can’t just fight the battle. We have to pick up our swords and charge in with everything we have, without a thought for whether it’s a winning battle or a losing one.

How do you find your fierceness?

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Is Love Blind?

My wife just shared with me that she believes she really is “a glass half empty” kind of person.

That sounds strange to me.

I have known her since we were very nearly children together, and I have never seen her that way at all.

I have seen her struggle with that kind of thinking many times over the years, but I never think of it as defining her, any more than she’s defined by struggling with a cold or sore muscles after a good workout.

Maybe she struggles with it more often than some others do, but I always see it as a temporary affliction.

So is love blind?

Or is it more true that when we find ourselves mired down with everyday struggles and our own harsh judgements, love sees us with eyes more open to who we truly are.